5. Genitals

We all know that without beer, ugly people would never have sex. I know that GWAR beer is getting many, many people laid. I saw it happening at GWAR-B-Q. Just pour it right on [genitals, of all sorts], let it foam up and fizz out, and we’re good to go.

4. Dirt

Dirt is something that’s not particularly tasty, but if you dig a hole in the ground and fill it with GWAR beer and slurp it out of this hole, you will find that the earth serves as a cup. The entire earth is your drinking vessel, and that will make you feel better or at least will mask the idea for a moment that indeed you are eating dirt.

3. The Cuttlefish of Cthulhu (his penis)

My flaccid member hasn’t been hard in a thousand years, but still can be wedged into a human vagina. There’s enough weight behind it.