http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=paJQxPldT9U&feature=player_embeddedNo one watches the Super Bowl for the music, but any metal fans that happened to tune in last night saw three very disturbing things that further tarnished the legacies of artists in a pretty short period of time. Between Slash, Ozzy Osbourne, and an American Idol ad featuring current judge Steven Tyler at his gum-flapping worst, it was a pretty grim reminder that GN’R, Ozzy and Aerosmith are well past the prime of their careers, to say the least.
We’ll start with the most grating, which was, of course, Slash’s appearance with the Black Eyed Peas during the halftime show. It was almost bound to happen anyway, since Fergie made an appearance on Slash’s album, and the singer had covered “Sweet Child Of Mine” in the past. But this was just awful. First of all, while the show itself at least looked semi-interesting visually, it was mixed like a high school talent show. How can four mostly auto-tuned vocals shouting along to backing tracks be mixed so bad? But it got worse pretty quickly. Slash popped up (literally) in a sparkly top hat to lay down the iconic opening to GN’R’s biggest song, and got a snippet of the solo in before the ADD production shuffled him off. Fergie even attempted to dance like Axl Rose. 24 years ago, a young hungry band emerged from Los Angeles playing like their lives depended on it, and now Slash is making a cameo in a bejeweled Ed Hardy approximation of his top hat. We’re talking about a guy that refused to allow Guns N’ Roses’ music on Glee, but Glee is like death metal compared to the Black Eyed Peas.
We’re not the only people to think it was awful. “Worst halftime show ever. Jesus. Really?,” Motley Crue’s Nikki Sixx tweeted. “I hear ya brother, WTF?,” Aerosmith’s Joey Kramer replied to Sixx. And Sixx’s bandmate Tommy Lee chimed in, asking “WTF was that?” So it looks like Motley Crue won’t be playing with the Black Eyed Peas or in a super bowl halftime any time soon. While I guess some credit should be given to the NFL for having the first act not in their ’50s since Janet Jackson and Nipple-gate, this was easily the worse halftime show since this.
And then there’s Ozzy’s Best Buy commercial with Justin Bieber. Like the Slash/BEP collaboration, we knew it was going to happen, but god, it was terrible. It’s not like Ozzy is any stranger to selling out, but this ad purposely made him look out of touch and senile, like he wandered off the set of the ad. It was essentially The Osbournes in space. And besides the fact that it added more to Ozzy’s legacy as a bumbling old man and took away from him being one of the best and most charismatic frontmen ever and the godfather of heavy metal, it also gave Justin Bieber credibility.
A few minutes after the Best Buy embarrassment, there was another commercial for American Idol. We’ve said all we need to say about Steven Tyler joining up as a judge, and sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. So take a look at this, this, and finally this. Then put on a copy of Toys in the Attic and remember when he used to be one of the most badass frontmen around. In fact, add in Appetite For Destruction, Blizzard of Ozz, and Paranoid to that playlist, because you might as well remember those acts and artists at their best, as opposed to their opportunistic, money-grabbing worst, which was on display last night.