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Classy Journalists MTV News Upset Dillinger Escape Plan’s Large Vocalist

Posted by on January 13, 2010

After Mark McGwire’s less-than-shocking steroid revelations Monday, MTV News decided to capitalize on the buzz with a music-themed puff piece blindly suspecting bulked-up musicians of juicing too. The attempt at being cute while cashing in on a hot search engine item is now blowing up in the site’s face.

Among those accused in the piece, which features such LARF-inducing zingers as “Who can forget Pete Wentz clubbing 53 homers in 2007?”, is Glenn Danzig, Trent Reznor and the Dillinger Escape Plan’s Greg Puciato, and the latter is rightfully fucking furious about it.

From the MTV News story:

The diminutive wailer for New Jersey spazzers Dillinger Escape Plan is ripped enough for a man five-times his size, and though he’s denied using steroids (he chalks his physique up to “eat[ing] a lot of protein and work[ing] out a lot”), we’re still not entirely convinced. Then again, positively destroying the stage on a nightly basis has to have some benefits, right?

Puciato was quick to respond to the allegations, denying steroid use in a response released to our pals at Noisecreep:

In a bizarre MTV news story today about Mark McGwire and steroids, some writer guy who writes ‘news’ that nobody probably reads anyway decided to basically accuse me and some other musicians of steroid use,” Puciato said. “Irresponsible? Yes. Understandable? Of course, because he obviously doesn’t know what it feels like to have actual willpower and drive. I don’t know what it feels like to be a total p—- who manifests his own inadequacies by accusing other people of cheating in order to achieve something of notice.

Unfortunately for him, they don’t have ‘writer potions’ that he can take to better himself at his chosen hobby. While this isn’t the first time that someone has presumed that I take steroids, it is the first time that I can think of that it’s been publicly presumed. Although I usually take it as a compliment, it borders on slander when done in this way, and in actuality, it’s more of a shame that we live in a time in which people assume that you need to cheat somehow in order to actually achieve anything worthwhile.

Your article says more about you, James, than it says about me. Regardless, thanks for the publicity softball pitch, and you can thank me in return. Keep practicing the whole ‘writing’ thing, cause it apparently doesn’t come that naturally to you. And meanwhile I’ll go pop all the huge zits that I have on my back, beat the s— out of my girlfriend for having a guy friend, start a fight at a sports bar, drunk-bang a bunch of 19-year-old sorority chicks and crush 20 Wendy’s double stacks.

Greg is a scary-huge guy, but he’s also the nicest dude ever, and never exhibits any of the aggressive behavior associated with steroids (at least off-stage). He certainly never did anything to deserve a cheap shot like this. And I’ve seen enough “healthy living” pieces about Trent Reznor to think extreme spelunking or whatever the fuck someone with his time and money does is enough to turn a skinny goth into Adonis.

Oh, and also, none of this is any of our fucking business.

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Categorised in: Hard Hitting Investigative Journalism