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Eddie Van Halen Was Near Death: Report

Posted by on September 10, 2012

It’s not like the National Enquirer is a bastion of journalistic integrity, but they claim to have an exclusive story stating that Eddie Van Halen was “near death” as a result of the Master Cleanse diet. We’d known that the band had canceled European tour dates due to emergency surgery. Well, according to the Enquirer, the Cleanse diet, which contains cayenne pepper, maple syrup and lemon juice, touched off an “explosion” in his intestines.

The paper quotes sources saying that the 57 year-old was clinging to life, with son Wolfgang, wife Janie Liszewski and ex-wife Valerie Bertinelli keeping a constant bedside vigil. “They were sick with worry because he was in so much pain,” the source says. “It really was touch and go, Valerie was scared to death Eddie was going to die.” Already suffering from diverticulitis, the axeman trying the Master Cleanse apparently touched off his “explosion.” The paper quotes a doctor saying that is a person has diverticulitis, there might be leakage from the bowel into the abdomen, and that there was a possibility that Van Halen might have died.

Again, this is coming from a tabloid that has claimed bigfoot is real, Elvis is still alive, and that UFOs exist, so the report probably shouldn’t necessarily be taken at face value. Then again, The National Enquirer has been right about some things, like the John Edwards affair and some O.J. Simpson stuff. But at the end of the day, it’s good to see Eddie’s doing better, and maybe he’ll stay away from fad diets.

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